What the Hell is Valora Thinking? 1

So Sault St. Marie comes to me, and tells me that yet another way he’s decided to pimp me out as his little media whore is by having me write a blog.  You believe that shit?  As if I don’t have enough on my fuckin’ plate.  “The fans want to know what you’re thinking!”  He tells me when I’m less then enthused about the idea.  You people really wanna know  what goes on in my twisted little brain?  Really?  Well firstly, you all some sick fuckin’ people then.  Secondly, buckle up cause it’s gonna be a bumpy ride and for the kiddies and the overprotective soccer moms out there… this shit ain’t gonna be PG, cause well… my life ain’t PG.  If you can’t handle it…don’t read.  Obligatory warning out of the way?  Check.  Right then, here….we….GO!

I suppose I should start first by addressin’ the question that every fan and WMW reporter has asked me no less then a hundred times since Blizzard (Seriously, you’d think these people have lives or something.)  “Valora, how does it feel to be Great Lakes Champ?”  How’s it feel?  Well, I don’t know.  Right now it feels like I’ve got a pissed off Hall of Famer (AWS Man) and a pissed off future Hall of Famer (Kronin) all pissed off that I came on in and broke up their little Good Ol’ Boys club.   Dirty secret of pro-wrestling number one kiddies, Male wrestlers can’t fucking stand it when a woman comes in and beats them for a top title.  Ryven couldn’t fuckin’ deal when I ripped the Ace Superior Title from his hands in Mexico City in front of no less then 70-80,000 fans, all screaming my name, and Kronin and AWS Man couldn’t handle it when I flew over all their asses and snatched myself the Great Lakes Championship.  See, I watched Jade.  Watched her win the title and watched her get bent over the table and fucked with no KY Jelly.  Don’t think it was a screw job?  Go back and watch the tape.  Much as AWS Man and Kronin might hate each other, they both agree that a woman Great Lakes Champion makes them look bad.  So…Kronin stabs his Pinnacle partner in the back and AWS Man and Kronin make sure Jade gets eliminated and voila… a man is back on top of WMW.  All is as it should be.  People wonder when the Pinnacle of Power died?  It was that moment right there.

Fast forward a bit and my hot, Latina ass comes along and takes the championship.  Once again the boys are walking around crying.  Once again, their fragile egos are bruised.  Now it seems some genius in WMW management gave the retard Shank his own blog.  Jesus fuckin’ Christ.  To make matters worse, Mr. ‘I’m always injured because I’m a fat, retarded, no talent wrestler!’ is bitching and moaning about he’d be the savior of WMW if only his injuries would let him.  Listen up, grease-boy.  Heal yourself up, step in the ring with me.  Hardcore match.  You beat me, you get the Great Lakes Championship.  When I win, I cut out your fuckin’ Kidneys.  Maybe I’ll even saute them for you, add some hot sauce, make some fava beans and serve ‘em back to you.  Cause I’m just that nice of a gal.  If you decide you aren’t man enough for me, and let’s face it, few are, really.  Go after Jade, she’s kicked your brains in more then once, and LET you win the Heartlands when she had grown bored of it.  Hecate?  Hecate will beat you five ways til sunday…Let’s take the worst woman wrestler in WMW at the moment, Amariie… even she would find a way to beat you.  Most if not all the men in WMW would as well.  You are, without a doubt, the worst wrestler on the roster, Shank.

There, now that I’ve addressed the retard enough for the moment, I’ll move onto important things.  For those of you who tuned in to Graveyard Shift 105, you saw what a tag team match should look like.  The Hardcore Icons, consisting of myself and Umbrage took on Jade and Hecate.  The Mystical wonders, as they might be called.  I don’t know who came up with Hardcore Icons as a name for Umbrage and me, but I like it, and it fits like a barbed wire glove… Ahh… I miss the old barbed wire gloves.. but I digress.  Umbrage and I won, cause well, that’s what he and I do.  Find ways to win, plain and simple.  Now, WMW is making a big mistake, throwing us at the Tag team champs in a non title match.  When we win that, we’ll get a title match.  When we win that, WMW’s golden boy, Kronin will find himself with no titles at all, won’t he?

Anyways, speaking of Umbrage, he and I have a meeting at a local bar.  Go out drinking, Clevelanders, if you’re lucky, you might share a bar with Valora and Umbrage.  If you are that lucky, I don’t recommend talking to us unless you’re buying the next round.

Til the next time I have something to warrant me typing it out angrily,

Valora Woman wrestler and Great Lakes Champ.  Deal with it.

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